An Epic Misunderstanding (Marilyn Monroe)

Alice,

Do you get that feeling when hope is lost, then you turn to somebody who just get back at you?

This happened to me so many times, and I wish I didn't want to look back at that incident.

COLLEGE. Where all dreams starts here. It's hard to just move on from high school to college, thinking that everything is easy. When I started my new life, I thought that I'm just going to mess up big-time because of my psychological figure. It seemed that it was high school again. I can't talk to someone, I can't even look at them and the worst part, and they didn't care for me of what I was going through. My heart was shattered and I felt like I could never fix my mending heart again. Maybe that's just how it goes here in the city. I burst into tears deep on the inside. Even if I have my friends, I feel that they want to avoid me or just to use me for their own sake. I was such a weakling. I didn't know what to do, where to begin, and who to trust. This was only my beginning for my quest of finding who I really am.

The first time I stepped into the grounds of the university, I was full of happiness and full of hope. Hope in the sense that going into college would be a great time to redeem myself and to prepare me for the many obstacles that I will encounter during my stay. It was also the day that things turn out for the worst. Why? I met people that are intimidating. Intimidating in the sense that they would like to find out your life and everything that you have done up to the present. Seeing that their being curious about me makes me feel that they want to know me more just to destroy me. I wanted to keep my life a secret so that I can fit in better. Turns out, even I can't keep my identity a secret. After that realization, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to end my life because all my efforts went to waste. I was USELESS.

Problems just came into me, and until now I can't solve these problems because I am too negative for all the things that happened to me. I'm still on the process of realizing my worth, but every time that someone drags me down, I easily give up and get emotional. They may say that I'm gay because I'm a weakling and I can't stand up for myself. I'm just a sensitive guy who's finding a way to know what his life really is. I try to stay positive at times, but the negative signs of life just appear to me and I just go with it. I've spent so many years of being a negative and a bitter person. However, with my inspiration from my true friends, I completely changed my life. Thanks to them, I was able to regain my strength to be become stronger and stand up for myself. I don't know how that happened, but even if I'm still negative, I try to keep my worries for myself because if I keep being a bitter person, my life can't go anywhere and I can't do anything with my life.

Maybe I didn't think this through. I thought that my life didn't have a meaning at all. I've tried all my life to search my true calling. I guess that I didn't waste my time at all. Every moment in my life is so precious that I don't have time to sit around and do nothing just because a problem comes to you. No matter what happens, whether life’s hard or not, always stay positive, because whatever we do, it's for our own good. It is only us who can create our lifetime story and share it with others. Even if others drag you down, you will always think that they are jealous of what you have accomplished. But don't be too proud of yourself, because if you get too proud, people would think that you're crazy. I'm so lucky enough that I've come this far. Thanks to the people behind the scenes, I now happy of who I am even if people are judgmental about you.

What happened in your college life, Alice?

P.S. Is this how Marilyn Monroe felt?

Nathaniel

The Collegiate Days

Alice,

It's now officially the start of the new chapter in my life.

Another school year opens. However, this isn't just any other ordinary class openings. This one was the toughest one that I had to face. This was the start of my new life. New university, new friends, new classmates, and everything that's new. I'm having an odd mixture of feelings inside me. I don't know that I'm going to be excited for the very first day or to be nervous. They say that it's normal for any new student, but for me, it's not. This was the setback that I was not really expecting. I keep on whining to myself on how am I going to live my new life when I'm not yet ready to face it. This loathing and excruciating experience was the one that pushed me through to do everything that I can in order to survive. Sadly, this feeling that I had was the start of the more suffering and pain that I have to go through.

The yesteryears. Oh, how they take me back to all the momentous things that we have done in high school. It marked in my life so much that I couldn't forget them every single day that I'm away from home for so long. I keep on moaning and weeping everyday because I miss all the memories that we had so much. I really wish that you were here at my side to guide me in everything that I do like we used to back then. Back then in high school, I always swore to myself that I'm going to do whatever it takes just to achieve in life. However, success always brought me down to the many things in life. I can't see the beauty of life if I always focus to road of success. I need to at least unwind a little bit and enjoy my teenage years as much as I can. Were almost close to being matured adults and still I can't one because of pressure in my life. This was the key in order to face my life wholeheartedly and without any regrets. This was the key that I had to break in order to be a matured, young adult.

Now that college is here, I have to put high school aside and face a new life. It hurts to forget all the memories that we had shared but I had to do it because college is complete and exact opposite of high school and no offense, but I think that it might be stupid to mention high school in college. So, I'm gonna have a low profile in college. I don't want to make a big impression in college for people to notice because they might think that I'm crazy. If high school was fun and games, here in college, you have to work and work and work until you get everything in shape. If high school was more on teamwork, in college, you have to do things on your own and no one even cares. If high school was full of fun and cherished moments, in college, everyday is not momentous as it used to before. I tell you, college is really the opposite of high school, but whatever I'm thinking right now, I know that I will never forget high school and all its memories.

Survival in college is inevitable. You really have to do whatever it takes just to survive college. When helping each other out was dominant in high school, in college, you'll just have to do everything yourself because it's time that you need to be independent and to show that you don't need anyone else in college. Some may need your help eventually, but you will never tolerate them because if you did, they might just take you for granted, and that's just so wrong on so many levels. But, one thing's for sure in college, you will learn to TRUST NO ONE and DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN. So it's time to welcome college in our lives openly or painfully.

Good luck to the both of us in college, Alice.

P.S. It feels like FIFTEEN again...

Nathaniel

A Misunderstood Life

Alice,

I can't be imagining the WHOLE THING.

I was 100% sure that I was dreaming.

A Lifetime Curse. It kills me to hear myself right now. One thing's for sure, I was so positive of what I heard about my fault. It's not that I've been dishonest, it's just that loathe reality. After what I've spoken about myself about my future, it seems like I can't do it. I feel like I can't survive college easily. Sometimes, I gotta learn to survive college the old fashion way. Keep striving hard, let nothing come between you and success, and most importantly, to realize how your parents sacrificed a lot just to keep you in college. Sadly, it seems like I lost it. I easily give up and I don't know what to do after. I must be the stupidest person in this world right now and I'm not satisfied of what I've done.

Life. A simple yet complicated word. My life right now is still unstable. I'm trying to be independent as I live my life in college. But it seems that I still can't because I'm still living under the roof of my parents and they're watching my every move. I can't be free, I can't do anything what I want, and the worst of all, I'm not worth it. They tell me that I'm useless, like nothing or no one can help me. I feel hopeless, like I can't stand on myself alone. The problem is that they don't see me trying to live my life and to be independent to the people around me. Maybe that's just the way life it should be. No moment is a happy moment if you're living like this.

My life is really a topsy-turvy one. Like everything is upside down. All this time, I've been blind to the reality of life. My parents keep on avoiding me to let go on my own. They feel that I keep making a vital mistake which could cost my life. But what they don't see is that I'm living my life as it is right now. Maybe the reason why they are so overprotective is that they don't want to lose me as I go to the next chapter of my life or the fact that they're not ready to say goodbye to me as I move on to college. But that's life, sometimes, you gotta let things go, especially the things that you don't want to lose easily.

Am I satisfied with this? No, I'm not. My goals in life are to graduate with flying colors in college, find a decent and stable job, and to support my family from extreme poverty. I don't want to be the selfish one but when I have a job, the first thing I wanna do when I earn money is to buy things that I've always wanted in my life and it's a fact. I don't care if they would curse me for being selfish but I'm sorry, I gotta stick to my goals and make them happen for my own good. Sure, I would send my financial assistance to my family and that has been my lifetime goal. To make my parents feel that they're proud of me for what I have accomplished and to be more proud of me when I'll get a job that's worth sacrificing for. That's what my goals are and I to work and strive even harder to make these goals a reality.

You may say that I'm rude to all of this. Actually, I'm just a normal person trying to achieve his goals in life. I'm just trying would any person would do in life. To do it all over again in the same way. I'm always staying positive in whatever I do, for whatever choice I make, and for all my decisions in life. But it's inevitable that you can't always be happy for everything. Sometimes, frustrations in your life can get into you and make them a lesson to be a better person in the future. But whatever our reasons are, we know that these reasons are for our own good and for others' sake. I'm still happy for what we have accomplished together and let's hope that we could survive and graduate college in style.

Would you do the same thing, Alice?

Nathaniel