New Year, New Attitude (No More Mister Nice Guy)

Alice,

It's been a while. I missed you so much that everyday hurts just remembering your lovely face. But I'm here, in the city of dreams once again. To revisit my journey while I'm in college.

It's 2013. Yes. Another wonderful year has passed and a new one waiting to be kept in our enchanting hearts as we embrace it wholeheartedly. I'm so happy that another year has come to each and everyone on this planet and we get to live another day with hope that our lives will be better for the future.

YEAH RIGHT.

I can't believe that time flies so fast. Each day that the sun would rise, I would stay positive for the duration of the day. However, at the end of the day, another burden strikes to my "almost" perfectly good day because someone or something ruins it for me. I would ask myself, "What did I do to make her/him feel that way? Was it something that I said/did? Why do people stay away from me? I did nothing to them..." These questions still haunt me until today. And everytime I'm close to finding out these answers, people who hate me will do anything just to prevent me to see the truth. I can't imagine that your friends would be your lethal enemies once you broke their trust. It's really hard to fix that "broken" trust of theirs.

What bothers me the most is their "diva" attitude. When they insult a person, they would feel that they're on top of the world like nothing can touch them anymore. Reality Check, they are still persons. Persons who don't give themselves self-actualization and self-esteem just because they have insecurities. I don't know if this is true anymore but I still believe that they are still insecure because they don't want their identities and reputations to be destroyed by a single snap. So many people hate me because I speak like I'm a child, never understanding what's happening to the world and always thinking about himself that he is always right. Everyone is right at most cases. I just don't get why people hate me so much. Is it because I'm too smart for them too handle? Or is it because I can outsmart them?

2013. New Year, New Attitude. That's right, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and bask in the limelight. I have to show them that I am a person with promise and with great power. I have to let them feel what I have felt when they left me with nothing. This time, I will not feel their sympathy because feeling them could be my weakness and my breaking point. And this time, they will witness the new ME; A strong young adult who cares nothing about the people around him and trashtalks them like there's no tomorrow. No more Mister Nice Guy. It's time for me to show them all how they picked up on the wrong guy.

As they say, "Forgiveness is a Virtue, but Revenge is Sweeter".

How about you Alice? Do you thirst for Revenge?

Nathaniel

As My Teardrops Fall With The Rain

Alice,

I'm alright. Until I'm alone. And apparently, that's the only thing that keeps me alive up to this moment. LONELINESS.

I never knew that life in that prestigious university would be like hell for me. It's as if I went back to the things that I made myself a fool. I could really say that life here in college is just like my excruciating inferno that keeps on haunting my mind every time. Even if I had done this so many times, it keeps me back from being a person that most of my friends wanted me to be. I just wish that for once, I want to be the person who I want to be. I also wish that people were so not judgmental about how other people look, act, or even communicate with others. IT'S JUST SO NOT DAMN GOOD TO LOOK AT.

I have heard myself crying endlessly, and as I hear myself, I'm hopeless. I can't be perfect and I can't see through what others want from me. I'm not sure if they don't even WANT ME around. Its as if I'm a freakin' ghost to them. I'm invisible to their naked eyes even if I'm around. People think that I'm the type of person who is alone and doesn't have friends. Yes, this is true because people see what's wrong about my personality and my human self. I'm trying hard to be at my best self but everytime I'm doing my best, people keep holding me back and saying that I'm just wasting my time trying to be perfect. They may drag me down and strip down my identity but I'm telling them this, I'M STILL A PERSON WHO'S TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THIS WORLD.

It's been raining hard here ever since last week. And as I stare out the window, seeing how the rain pour hard, I see myself being out there, enjoying the rain while many of my citizens are dying because of the non-stop rain. I imagined myself in their condition. What if I was in their spot right now? Would people help me after I've shown to them my ugly and horrid behavior? Would they even care for me? That's what I thought. I'm just an ordinary man. However, many people are still fighting and struggling just to survive. They are strong people because they are ready in any situation like this. Helping each other out and reaching out to them. Risking their lives just to save innocent people. AM I STRONG? OR JUST A COWARD?

This is the only reason why I'm still living here. Through the pain that I endure everyday, its the only thing that keeps me as I am. Now that you're gone, who else am I going to talk to? I'm lost. I don't know if I can continue to survive without you as the only one who listens to me and feels my pain everytime I'm lonely. But in a way or two, I'm glad. The pain and suffering that I endured was the only reminder that this world and my life was real. I'll find a way to make them feel what I've felt. To let them know how its not easy to be myself. I'll make sure that they will suffer the way I've suffered. I will have my REVENGE.

I'm still me, no matter what they say. Maybe its time to leave them behind and be on my own for the next few weeks or so. As a matter of fact, I really don't need them to be successful in life. I have to be independent and never be affected about how they see about me. I maybe be defensive sometimes but it doesn't mean that what they think about me is true. I will always believe that I'm ALWAYS RIGHT and they're ALWAYS WRONG. I will never be like them because I'm unique in my own way. I'M BEAUTIFUL.

Are you Alice?

Nathaniel