Bullied. Cause: INSECURITY.

Alice,

Even if I had started my new life, its like I went back to high school all over again.

JULY 13, 2012. Friday the 13th. This was the day that the fever started to kick in.

I didn't have a clue of what this day may bring to me. Whether it's luck or not, I just want the day to be over. However, it seems that this day still left a scar to my heart that I wish that I could go back in time and do it all over again.

POSITIVE ATTITUDE was the goal for this day. I wanted to feel like I'm welcome to their eyes. As if that they could feel that I'm not the only one who is new to the college world. Truly, I met new and honorable people, all coming from the different walks of life. And unto this day, I still feel that they're my friends, even if I'm not yet close to them. In my perspective, I always see them as the people to be recognized because not only that they are ordinary people, but they are considered as the "intelligent ones". I see this to them because they are mature and civilized people. I had the chance of knowing them better by telling their stories of when they were in high school and those stories made me feel that I'm actually one of them. Sadly, the good memories did not last that long because for every misunderstanding that we had, tensions rise and conflicts can be very difficult to resolve our relationship as friends.

Do you get the feeling when someone destroys your reputation without them knowing you fully? I've been there and I always have done that. You see, I didn't know that my friends would be my worst enemies. After them making fun of me, I got back at them. And to think that I started the fight? NO NO NO!!! I was checking my Facebook account when suddenly, I read a post of my friend making fun of me and everyone liked it! I was so furious that the only way to get even with them is to do the same thing. After a few seconds, everyone reacted to my post saying that what I have done to them to make me react this way. EXCUSE ME SIR!!! But you're the only one who started the fight. I didn't do anything to you and now you complained that I'm destroying your reputation??? Its YOU who is the one that destroyed my reputation!!! Basically, they were the ones who started the fight and I was just defending myself for what I've done. After that, I was their greatest enemy that they have encountered with.

I WAS BULLIED. Sad but true. I didn't know that they would feel like that towards me. They were bullying me like there's no tomorrow. I couldn't imagine that until now, I could be bullied. When I was young, I was already bullied by many other children. And now that I'm in college, I am still bullied. People are so judgmental these days. I really learnt my lesson, TO NEVER TRUST NO ONE and TO CHOOSE MY FRIENDS WISELY and CAREFULLY. I think that people behave this way is because they are TOO INSECURE. That being by themselves is not good enough for them. By bullying others, they gain confidence and personality just to be recognized. But is their recognition to their friends in a GOOD way or in a BAD way? I really don't get why these people are so INSECURE. I really just don't get it!

As they say, "Insecurity reigns in an UGLY HEART of an EMPTY BRAIN". Yes, I really feel this way to those people who are still insecure. I really don't know what is the psychological reason why people behave this way. Is it for them to be famous or to be hated? It really irritates me whenever I see someone being bullied. This is the reason why the youth of today are extremely depressed or thinking of suicidal thoughts. The only thing that I want from those people who are insecure and those who hate me is RESPECT. Through respecting people, we would be able to understand what they are going through at the moment. This is the only thing that I want with this horrid and disgusting world.

If you feel this way Alice, I'll be there to rescue you.

P.S. I always felt like this over and over again.

Nathaniel

An Epic Misunderstanding (Marilyn Monroe)

Alice,

Do you get that feeling when hope is lost, then you turn to somebody who just get back at you?

This happened to me so many times, and I wish I didn't want to look back at that incident.

COLLEGE. Where all dreams starts here. It's hard to just move on from high school to college, thinking that everything is easy. When I started my new life, I thought that I'm just going to mess up big-time because of my psychological figure. It seemed that it was high school again. I can't talk to someone, I can't even look at them and the worst part, and they didn't care for me of what I was going through. My heart was shattered and I felt like I could never fix my mending heart again. Maybe that's just how it goes here in the city. I burst into tears deep on the inside. Even if I have my friends, I feel that they want to avoid me or just to use me for their own sake. I was such a weakling. I didn't know what to do, where to begin, and who to trust. This was only my beginning for my quest of finding who I really am.

The first time I stepped into the grounds of the university, I was full of happiness and full of hope. Hope in the sense that going into college would be a great time to redeem myself and to prepare me for the many obstacles that I will encounter during my stay. It was also the day that things turn out for the worst. Why? I met people that are intimidating. Intimidating in the sense that they would like to find out your life and everything that you have done up to the present. Seeing that their being curious about me makes me feel that they want to know me more just to destroy me. I wanted to keep my life a secret so that I can fit in better. Turns out, even I can't keep my identity a secret. After that realization, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to end my life because all my efforts went to waste. I was USELESS.

Problems just came into me, and until now I can't solve these problems because I am too negative for all the things that happened to me. I'm still on the process of realizing my worth, but every time that someone drags me down, I easily give up and get emotional. They may say that I'm gay because I'm a weakling and I can't stand up for myself. I'm just a sensitive guy who's finding a way to know what his life really is. I try to stay positive at times, but the negative signs of life just appear to me and I just go with it. I've spent so many years of being a negative and a bitter person. However, with my inspiration from my true friends, I completely changed my life. Thanks to them, I was able to regain my strength to be become stronger and stand up for myself. I don't know how that happened, but even if I'm still negative, I try to keep my worries for myself because if I keep being a bitter person, my life can't go anywhere and I can't do anything with my life.

Maybe I didn't think this through. I thought that my life didn't have a meaning at all. I've tried all my life to search my true calling. I guess that I didn't waste my time at all. Every moment in my life is so precious that I don't have time to sit around and do nothing just because a problem comes to you. No matter what happens, whether life’s hard or not, always stay positive, because whatever we do, it's for our own good. It is only us who can create our lifetime story and share it with others. Even if others drag you down, you will always think that they are jealous of what you have accomplished. But don't be too proud of yourself, because if you get too proud, people would think that you're crazy. I'm so lucky enough that I've come this far. Thanks to the people behind the scenes, I now happy of who I am even if people are judgmental about you.

What happened in your college life, Alice?

P.S. Is this how Marilyn Monroe felt?

Nathaniel

The Ultimate Setback

Alice,

This was the time that everything turned out for the worst.

It started when I entered the campus.

The university was so beautiful. I can only imagine what life I'm going to live if I officially entered the campus for the start of the formal classes. I was overjoyed by the people, I mean students, passing by, making their ways for their classes, and some, nothing to do but wait until something happens to them. It was really a blast seeing the university with my own naked eyes and looking forward to meeting these students personally and making new friends. I was thrilled to see the university's own cheering squad practice and showing their moves to the new people and especially to me. Indeed, entering the university for the first time made me realize that I'm here for two purposes, to study so hard that I've never study before and to graduate proudly with an honorable degree that I really deserve. However, this was only the beginning for the new chapter of my life. I realized also that it's not easy being here in the city and living like this. I may have to re-think the whole thing of why I'm really here.

Some of you and our ex-classmates are going to college and live in dormitories and boarding houses. Others may also live with their relatives and maybe bringing their families together to college. That's where I belong. I'm staying here in the city with my relatives. One from the side of my mother and other for my father. The only problem is that they're letting me choose on where to live. I like to live on both of the houses that my relatives are living at. My sister told me that it's better to stay at the house of the sister of my father because for her, it’s really quiet there where you can study and no one can distract you. However, if I live there, it’s like I'm in a prison where there's no fun and all you have to do is to study and study until you can't take anymore the quietness of the place that you want to get out and hang out with your friends. Not to mention the distance from this house to university, which makes it harder for me to comprehend everyday.

On my side, I would rather choose to live at the house of the sister of my mother because there, it’s like the complete opposite of what I've described earlier. There, it so much fun because everyday, there's no day that will be dull because of my younger relative to lighten up everyone's day. Also, the university is just a jeepney ride away, which makes it more convenient that the school is really near. Sadly, I can't concentrate on my studies because of the noise and all the distractions which make it more difficult to study and to do my homework and everything that's school-based work. I can still hang out with my friends but they set a time limit on how long I'm going to be out unlike the other house, you inform them and they just approve automatically without setting any condition. As long you get home, its fine with them.

I really had a hard time deciding on where to live. Whether I'm living with my aunt on my mother's side or on my father's side, I'm still going to live like this, transferring from one place to another just for the sake of living to different lives. One that's quiet and serene and another that's lively and uncontrollable. But whatever my decision is going to be, my family still has to respect my decision. What's important is that I've experienced myself living two separate lives and making my choice on where to stay for the rest of my life. I'm a growing adult, and someday, they're going to let me go, no matter how hard it is for them to let me go and live my own life without them. Whatever decisions that I make, I know that it's for my own good and also for the good of my own family.

How is your college life going, Alice?

Nathaniel