Rude Awakening

Alice,

Each passing day, each passing time. I feel like I'm slowly killing myself until there's nothing left for me to have. For the first time in my life, I really don't know what to do, who to trust, and what I will do for the rest of my survival in college. I want to live young, wild, and free while I still have a chance. Sadly, my family is the only thing that separates me from my true freedom. It hurts for me to see how people live their lives and risk anything just to get what they want, while I'm stuck here not able to see the beauty of my life that I'm missing out all the excitement waiting for me to see and to enjoy. There's two words to describe my feeling right now. I SURRENDER.

The Awakening. I was blind to see how beautiful my life is. I didn't how much I could do with my life while I'm still young, and all this was my family's fault. I can't imagine how they would do this to me, Alice. Everyday, I would start my day risking my life just to find what really enjoys me, and everyday, they would do anything just to stop even for the risks that I take. It really hurts to realize that someone you loved or a long time would be the greatest enemy that you would face in your life. I feel like I want to get out of this "horrid prison" and start all over again. I wanted to be free and to be alone for once.

Everything that I owned in my hands were the things that stood me over the years as I grow up. If one of these things were gone, I feel like I have nothing left to lose in my life anymore. I can't even bear my suffering if I, myself, didn't suffer greatly. I wanted to give up. I wanted to surrender. I wanted to kill myself. But I can't. Life goes on, you suffered a lot, and people can't even see the value of what you're doing. The only thing that I could hope is for things to be the way that they used to be.

Things are different. Seeing myself in the eyes of everyone else makes it really hard for me to confront my problems. I just want to live a simple life. Settle down a little, rest and relax, unwind from all the frustrations you had, and make it a point to make these frustrations a lifetime lesson that you will never forget. Sometimes, I wish that I didn't exist in this world. If that happened, imagine what life would my parents live, imagine what life would I live if I was born in another family. But, whatever I choose in my life, I know that it is for my own good.

Nothing else can compare to my great suffering. I've wasted so much time whining to myself that I didn't see how my family loves me a lot. I was blind to see their love for me because I see their advises for me as a threat to my personality. I love them no matter what happens in my life. Whatever they would do to me, it's because they trying to protect me from the evil doings of this world. If they would risk their lives just to protect me, I would do the same thing for them, no matter how difficult it is to save them. I would never forgive myself if anything happens to them. I was a pushover before, but now, I have this feeling of giving something back to them that I should have given to them long before I was an idiot. I need to repay my wrongdoings and try to be a better person that they have hoped for all along.

If you were me, Alice, what would you do?

Nathaniel